Funny tiltly table chat

So I started a text file to save some funny table chats, then realized I could just make a post here and continually add to it. It's amazing how mad some people get.


MATTZOMB Wins 8,560 from Pot 1 with : Three of a Kind Kings
blufferBillytheKid> lol
blufferBillytheKid> LATER
MATTZOMB> gg
blufferBillytheKid> whatever
blufferBillytheKid> Hope this sites home office burns down
blufferBillytheKid> with people in it
shortstackkilla06> lol
blufferBillytheKid> On bring your kids to work day

cardmaster65: GOD THE LAME MOTHER F UCKERS THAT PLAY
AT THIS SITE F UCKIN UNREAL

Eazye1111> I'll rape your mom with a knife

nyanha> LOVE S HIT ON ALL U

nickojenn> better luck next week ur poor **** sloth inbread
nickojenn> is ur wellfare check weekly or monthly?

lol keep em comin!!

hahaha, wellfare check ftw!

Wow...I definitely have a few chats that I could contribute here...

023aliallin023: pfffffffffff 2 times in a row last on the river
023aliallin023: if i lose agian on the river you mother is a ho
MJC77: my mother?
023aliallin023: if you may me lose on the river then your mother is a ho yeah
023aliallin023: got a problem
MJC77: yeah yo mofo
023 guy bluffs other dude and shows…
MJC77: j 9 - nice play dutchie
023aliallin023: man your mother is a dutchie
I 3bet and cbet vs 023 and he folds B v bu
023aliallin023: frustatet %&% the motherfocker
Never got berated for 3betting, then cbetting before ?? weird.
MJC77: pussy
MJC77: focker!!!!!!!!!!
023aliallin023: man if where here i would turn your neck 180 degrees then look ho is a pussy
MJC77: sorry mafia man
023aliallin023: yeah yeah feel safe there dont ya
MJC77: no scared like a stray cat
..
*** FLOP *** [2c Jd 9h]
023aliallin023 bets 450
Roamus calls 450
*** TURN *** [2c Jd 9h] [3s]
023aliallin023 bets 500
Roamus raises to 1,080, and is all in
023aliallin023 calls 305, and is all in
Roamus shows [9d 9s]
023aliallin023 shows [4s Ac]
Uncalled bet of 275 returned to Roamus
*** RIVER *** [2c Jd 9h 3s] [5s]
Roamus shows three of a kind, Nines
023aliallin023 shows a straight, Five high
023aliallin023 wins the pot (2,860) with a straight, Five high
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 2,860 | Rake 0
Board: [2c Jd 9h 3s 5s]
Seat 2: 023aliallin023 (small blind) showed [4s Ac] and won (2,860) with a straight, Five high
Seat 5: Roamus showed [9d 9s] and lost with three of a kind, Nines





MJC77: ali t o s s e r ali t o s s e r
023aliallin023: desefred that
023aliallin023: !!!!!!!!!!!!!11
023aliallin023: whooohooo
MJC77: no you did not
023aliallin023: if you did look to the other tables i played then you would know i deserfed that
023aliallin023: i lost 10 focking times on the river because of my madness i winn 1 time big deal
MJC77: you are a &&@$
023aliallin023: heey be nice to your mom
MJC77: dirtbox style
023aliallin023: yeah you dock my girl i fock your mom
023aliallin023 has 15 seconds left to act
023aliallin023 calls 60
MJC77: fine
.. cant find log but them MJ says otherguy is gay . . .

023aliallin023: yeah i fock you in your #$!


023 is a "winning" fish

Not tilty, but I lol'd

MED1UM> whats this game called?
PantieCollecter> suck out
Sugarb4355> collect panties
PantieCollecter> i have your sisters
PantieCollecter> stained
Sugarb4355> drunk
PantieCollecter> so was she

bms1972> bulgarian ball bag biter

lol this just reminded me of rounders.

Full Tilt No-Limit Hold'em, 12 Tournament, 25/50 Blinds (5 handed) - Full Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

Button (t1230)
SB (t2289)
Hero (BB) (t1170)
UTG (t2871)
MP (t1440)

Hero's M: 15.60

Preflop: Hero is BB with 7, 3
UTG bets t150, MP calls t150, 3 folds

Flop: (t375) 8, Q, 10 (2 players)
UTG bets t200, MP calls t200

Turn: (t775) 10 (2 players)
UTG bets t300, MP calls t300

River: (t1375) 3 (2 players)
UTG bets t300, MP raises to t790 (All-In), UTG calls t490

Total pot: t2955

Results:
UTG had Q, K (two pair, Queens and tens).
MP had 8, 8 (full house, eights over tens).
Outcome: MP won t2955


cignaledimare: coll coll coll !!!!!
cignaledimare: fakkin donk
cignaledimare: fakkin trapik, stupid guy
01audiA4: like that play?
cignaledimare: fakkin stupid
01audiA4: hehe u liked it

Great thread for entertainment!

JFC turn the damn chatbox off. Makes life much easier.

Funny shit tho

This one is long, but it highlights 2 things:

1- We had a douchebag at the table who was burning the SnG clock the whole time.
2- There was 1 player who couldn't stop talking about it.

LOL

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has requested TIME
xiphd folds

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has requested TIME
xiphd folds

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has requested TIME
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
art1909 folds

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: xiphd get up!!!!!!!!!
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: idiot
art1909: Lithuana!!!!!!
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: IDIOT
xiphd has timed out
xiphd checks

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: it is not laughing already
xiphd has timed out
xiphd checks

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: &%!!ING!!!!!!!!!!
art1909: \MORON
xiphd has timed out
xiphd checks

art1909: xiphd
xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: IDIOT
art1909: GET UP YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
xiphd has returned

art1909: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: xiphd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
art1909: IDIOT
art1909: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
art1909 folds
xiphd has returned

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: what is hapenning?
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
art1909: with him?
xiphd has returned

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
xiphd has returned

art1909: is anybody hear me?!!!!
PokerMatt2011: yep
art1909: what yep?
art1909: what is it?
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
art1909 folds
art1909: with him?
xiphd has returned
PokerMatt2011: he's not paying attention or his connection sucks, probably the former
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
xiphd has returned

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: what are you doing??
xiphd has timed out
xiphd checks
*** FLOP *** [Js Ts 8d]
art1909: call?????
vsa_cool bets 120
xiphd folds

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
xiphd has returned

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
art1909: IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xiphd has timed out
xiphd checks

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
xiphd has returned

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out
xiphd has returned

xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
xiphd has timed out
xiphd folds
xiphd is sitting out

was at a table the other day where a guy that got coolered on started bitching about how tight the table was. It made me lol enough that I shared some stats, there was 5+ players with vip's greater than 40.

it went something like this..
me: yeh i'm seeing VIPs of 54, 45, 72, 43 and 64.
villain: whats a VIP
me: it means this table is full of loosy goosies.
villain: whatever, I don't want a showdown with any of them.

we then see 2 guys stack off preflop, one had rags, other had Axo

me: care to rethink?

Don't tell people that you know anything about poker or that you use a hud. Just stop typing in chat altogether and pay attention to the games. Why help the fish?

Originally Posted by jyms

Don't tell people that you know anything about poker or that you use a hud. Just stop typing in chat altogether and pay attention to the games. Why help the fish?

We're all guilty of tapping the aquarium at times Definitely -EV in the longrun though to educate the fish.

I usually just keep it to "nh" and when they take it as sincere and reply "thanks!" I feel a bit better over the bad beat lol.

DrRapePHD: you should hang yourself in a poor erotic asphyxiation attempt to pictures of dan negrino

Yeah, we've had discussions about not giving up the knowledge of the secret society a few times in the bc. We all had to find our way here on our own (mostly) and giving hints for things to google just makes it easier for them.

I do like to look up people on ptr when they're talking smack at the tables and tell them how much $$$ they've lost during their career. "LOL, YOU LOST $3k PLAYING 4NL ON CAKE?!!!!"

awesome thread. some of those are hilarious

Earlier this guy snap called my bet on the turn with AQ high. River was an ace and I check-called with my 2nd pair.

Went aggro on his ass and beat him out of some big pots with turn barrels. Once I had a set, once AK top pair top kicker, one air.

(this hand where the chat starts I had a set, JJ on an AQJ7 double suited board and made a big bet)

MATTZOMB: fold ur draw
PlayF0rGlory: I see u like to make big bluff against me again and again
MATTZOMB: wish u woulda shoved bro
PlayF0rGlory: huge cbets with some low pairs
PlayF0rGlory: JQ
MATTZOMB: feel free to all in
PlayF0rGlory: I'm too busy now..folding a lot of good hands automaticlly
MATTZOMB: must have a customer at your glory hole?

(some fish tilts him some more)

PlayF0rGlory: OMG..
PlayF0rGlory: 7 XXXXr what a joke lmao
PlayF0rGlory: stupid fish blow my brain

(hand below he hits his ace on the river and loses 80% of his stack to some slowplayed 2 pair)

MATTZOMB: ace on the river giveth and ace on the river taketh away
PlayF0rGlory: there all players morons
PlayF0rGlory: FU matt
MATTZOMB: lol
PlayF0rGlory: I'm in XXXX lost 400k chips because of u
MATTZOMB: wasnt me
MATTZOMB: my cat typed bad things on my keyboard
PlayF0rGlory: now u my worst enemy
MATTZOMB: he is an evil cat
PlayF0rGlory: byt..stfu..I know u bluff all time against me
MATTZOMB: at least one of the times I had a monster
PlayF0rGlory: ur skillis is low and predictible

Originally Posted by KoRnholio

ur skillis is low and predictible

there's the T-Shirt, right there

too many people do not know how to control themselves, and watering the dirt all

Originally Posted by KoRnholio

blufferBillytheKid> whatever
blufferBillytheKid> Hope this sites home office burns down
blufferBillytheKid> with people in it
shortstackkilla06> lol
blufferBillytheKid> On bring your kids to work day

this is still one of the funniest things i've ever read

bulgarian ball bag biter

Is my favourite so far.

We need some new material though, tell your friends to post in this thread

MATTZOMB: my cat typed bad things on my keyboard

My personal favourite.


Villain shoves river, has me covered. I have aces up. Tanks. Call.
Villain shows queen high.

Ong - how very greek of you.
Greek - you need to calm down
Ong - seriously, I considered folding but then saw where you from and call
Bulgarian - hahahaha
Greek - whats funny bulgaria?
Bulgarian - I do the same with spain
Greek - both die
Ong - yeah I need to calm down

Greek tilts and busts

Ong - gg
Greek - ****

Why would you make fun of someone for giving you chips?

it's not about the chips, it's about him being born in a worse place. focus.

No more Greek players, everyone working 6 day weeks

Originally Posted by kiwiMark

it's not about the chips, it's about him being born in a worse place. focus.

greek food > any social, political, economic, or cultural factors. or quality of life indicators

Gyros is confirmed best takeaway food ever

Originally Posted by Pascal

Why would you make fun of someone for giving you chips?

I tilt people.

You mean döner?

Originally Posted by Pascal

Gyros is confirmed best takeaway food ever

It may be a geographical thing but tacos way > than gyros.

Exchange started off with a different Serbian player bluffing (and showing of course) colm2010 out of a pot. *D0ntPu$h* is also Serbian. colm2010 (Ireland) made some comment about Serbian players being terrible and it escalates, I just caught the end:

*D0ntPu$h*: you know i can report that idiotic statements of yours
colm2010: and to kosovo?
colm2010: report what ?????????
colm2010: lol
*D0ntPu$h*: we never had a war against montenegro ******o
colm2010: why u getting all defensive/
colm2010: u slaged my country?
*D0ntPu$h*: hit some books dummy
colm2010: u cant take a slagging back?
colm2010: wu wu wu go back here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
*D0ntPu$h*: no, shut your mouth will be good for a start
colm2010: u said u report me, for what????????????
colm2010: loooooooooooooooooooool
*D0ntPu$h*: take some pills bro
*D0ntPu$h*: you are upset
scokyl: think you went too far colm
wodeny: dontpush I will report him too
colm2010: i think u cry because ur country gets smaller every time uwake up
*D0ntPu$h*: ok wodeny
colm2010: lololol report for what hahahahaahah?
wodeny: he is very offensive
colm2010: r u guys simple?
*D0ntPu$h*: nationalist
colm2010: how was i offensive?
colm2010: + im a girl = she
*D0ntPu$h*: stupid and ugly goirl
colm2010: oh so offensive

Originally Posted by kiwiMark

You mean döner?

This is not gyros. There is a very important difference.

Originally Posted by supa

It may be a geographical thing but tacos way > than gyros.

gyros in serbia is incred like €1.50 for a huge portion perfectly cooked

Last night (from memory):

I iso limpfish, I cbet flop with some junk, fish calls, turn checks through, fish open jams river for about 10x pot:

"Really?"
"Ima waste your time just for that"
..... 30 seconds later
"No"
"I've made my mind up"
"I have king high"
"Ima fold"

Hero folds

5nl zoom 6max... hero is bb... sb is Belarussian... 4 folds... sb calls... hero checks... flop is shit... sb tanks... requests time... bets 3x pot...

ong - bravo
ong - eat my time bank
fish - ok
10 seconds later...
ong - nice bet
fish - whatever
ong - seriously
fish - you fold
ong - yeah I have 8 high
fish - so fold
ong - I want to trash talk
fish - whatever
ong - Belarus is part of Russia, right?
fish - NO
ong - you're Russian
ong - and you know it
fish - **** u

hero folds

you guys suck at sportsmanship

I dunno, I thought my trash talk was rubbish until I said Belarus was part of Russia. To get NO in capital letters, I felt like my job was done.

what a shame chat is limited to text, otherwise you could have dropped them an mp3 copy of 'back in the ussr'
maybe a youtube link would work http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn3YqoRDTQo

Never saw this thread before. I'll be sure to copy/paste a few in the future.

<< Result for Hand 1630143311 >>
DOTDORDOT wins Hi side pot(69c) with (Flush, ace high).
DOTDORDOT wins Hi main pot($5.44) with (Flush, ace high).
OVERLOAD wins Lo main pot($5.43) with (8,7,6,2,A).
QMRIIS2: NICE HAND FAGGOT
QMRIIS2: STUPID ASS FAGGOT ASS FAGGOT
QMRIIS2: HOPE YOU DIE OF HERPES FAGGOT
QMRIIS2: OR AIDS
QMRIIS2: FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT
DOTDORDOT: oh my what a mouth naughty naughty
QMRIIS2: You like bad boys baby?

DOTDORDOT: i happen to be a 72 year old female
QMRIIS2: holy sh--t that's old
QMRIIS2: congratulations on living so long

DOTDORDOT: ty I had a heart attack & died 17 yrs ago
QMRIIS2: wut
QMRIIS2: but you're playing poker now
DOTDORDOT: sure did
QMRIIS2: you died
QMRIIS2: and now you walk among us
QMRIIS2: spooky
UINSANEFOOL: how long were u gone
DOTDORDOT: the man upstairs wasn't ready 4 me yet & sent me back
JOHNBRUBAKER: Nice
QMRIIS2: sh--t scares me and I'm fearless
DOTDORDOT: minutes

DOTDORDOT: haven't smoked since
UINSANEFOOL: did u c gods shoes
DOTDORDOT: no
QMRIIS2: smoking is so stupid
UINSANEFOOL: al bundy did lol
DOTDORDOT: cut back on my salt too