Pre-flop or on the flop? Certainly pre-flop, most of the time, but if you have KJ and he has J4 and the flop is J94 you're going to be in a lot of trouble unless you can either fold tpgk or control the size of the pot successfully (which is hard to do when you also have to protect what you've got).

The further complication, of course, is that T8 also sees this flop and sees a bet and a call and is priced in to chase his OESD, and if that hits, then you and J4 are both pwned but may still find yourself in a bloated pot where it's hard to fold and bang, there goes a stack.

In the examples you give where you bet/folded an underboat - well done, you played it right. Their play was pretty much insane.